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…’Don’tsitinfheroad.””Don’tcutinline.””Throwthatinthegarbagecad.”IneverrealizedhowmuchtravellingwithyourChinesein—lawsmakesyoufeel1ikeyouarefiveyearsold.Ithasbeenabouttwentvyearssincesomeonetoldmewhentogotobed，whentogetup，whentoeat，andwhattoeat.IcametoChinaandatetheturtlesandfishheadsyoumadeforme.Iatethepigearsandbrains.Youtoldmeitwasgoodandwe。vebeenwalkingdowntheStripinLasVegasfor40minutes.Thiscallsforanicehotglassofboilingwater!But?alas?tothedismayofChineseeverywhere，thebarbariansat7-11don。tsellboilinghotwater.(And，no，theydon’tsellChinesemagazines，either，Dad.)Apparently，Chinesein—lawsrequirefoodandhotwaterevery2hours.Iftheydonoteateverytwohours，acrisisensues，becausealongwithbeinginthesun，lackeader’soungeMe，‘／don?wantanymore.Wife.。Dad,eatthis.Dad.。／donrwantit.Mom.。Youshouldeatmore.Wife.。(putschickenwingondad'splate)Eatthis.Dad：／don?twantit.(Thenheeats瞧1Rinseandrepeat12times.Thereyouhaveyourready—mademealtimeconversation.Aftertakingpartinthis”conversation’。3andIshouldeatit.Idid.YoncametotheUSandaskedwherethenearestChineserestaurantwas.Yonsentmet0theChi—nesestoretobuyyoufoodsoyouwouldn’t。’starve”.Iboughtsomenon—Chinesefoodforyoutotry，butyourefusedbecause”Chinesefoodisthebest”.Youtoldmetoaskthewaitertoboilyourlettuce.Isaidhewouldn’tevenun—derstandwhatyoumeant.Youinsisted.Iasked.Thewaiterwasconfused.Thelet—tucenevergotboiled.Itis115degreesFahrenheitoutside，offoodandwaterformorethantwohoursresultsinmelting.Thetwohourswhentheyarenoteating，60％oftheconversa—tionrevolvesaroundfood：whoshouldeatwhatjwheretoeat?whentoeat?whichvegetableisbestforwhichailment,etc.Meal—tilTleconversationisalwaysthesame：Mom：Eatthis／Dad：／don’}wantit.Mom：Eatalittlebit／Dad：／don?wantit.Mom／tome).‘Eatsomebeef.timesperdayforamonth,youfeellikeyouarestuckinanAbbottandCostelloroutine，whichofcoursemeansyouwanttocommitsuicideassoonaspossible.But，youknow，they’regreatreallyOriginallypublishedonthe88swebsite，l一一一一一一一一一一一.、lIllIL.………一一.-，85·BilingualTime